Mr. Irrelevant? Not to Maine
As promised:
DAY ONE
9:08 a.m.: I had planned on sleeping of the jet lag from my flight, til my buddy Brent called me from D.C. to ask what I thought about Houston snubbing Bush. After the flight and the sleeping, this is the first I heard this. Draft day begins a little earlier than expected.
10:11 a.m.: Arrive at Nate's room with Jake. Nate was nowhere to be found, so we flip on ESPN and wait for his arrival.
10:14 a.m.: Dave calls from Vegas after hearing a rumor on FOX Sports Radio about LenDale White testing positive for performance enhancing drugs. Remember 10:14 a.m.; it'll come back later.
10:30 a.m.: Nate comes in from a long morning of Saturday Morning cartoons.
11:24 a.m.: Under Armour must have felt that people weren't mocking "We must protect this house!" as much anymore. Enter: "Click. Clack."
11:42 a.m.: ESPN is talking about a possible Saints/Jets trade. The Saints cannot be the second team to pass up on Bush. This must be ESPN's way to get the Jets mad at their front office for a pick that wasn't even theirs.
11:45 a.m.: Dave's second call. He somehow forgot to mention that a friend of his in Vegas got them an invite to Matt Leinart's Draft Party at the MGM Grand. The conversation starts about what jersey would be most offensive for him to sneak into the party. Fast forward a few hours, and we end up deciding that he should go with eight others and each wear a Leinart jersey from the nine teams that didn't pick him.
11:51 a.m.: ESPN Classic is showing this year's National Championship game. The first pick in the draft didn't come from this game. The first pick came from the Meineke Car Care Bowl, in which he finished third on his team in tackles.
11:53 a.m.: Back on ESPN (the original), they have the projected high draft picks all traveling to the draft together in a bus. I hope you were able to see it. If not you missed Bush opening a copy of US Weekly or the like, which had a picture of Lienart shirtless with a towel draped around his neck. Lienart didn't find it nearly as amusing as the other soon-to-be draftees.
12:05 p.m.: Twenty minutes late, Bud calls to see if we're here. That's the only reason he called.
12:06 p.m.: First time today we get to hear the name Michael Michaels. It's only because he's not a player that he doesn't run away with the Logan Mankins Award for '06.
12:12 p.m.: I decide that Houston has to trade down to a team that wants Bush. The Jets shouldn't to try trade with N.O., they should jump at the Texans. Houston can drop to the fourth spot and lose nothing. No way the other teams go for Williams. Even if you're only getting a sixth rounder, you lose nothing.
12:13 p.m.: The Texans decide they can't afford to lose nothing, and draft Williams #1.
12:18 p.m.: Buddy shows up, having no idea that Bush wasn't the #1 pick, or even if he should be surprised by it.
12:26 p.m.: Saints shock no one and make the best player in the draft the #2 pick.
12:30 p.m.: It doesn't seem like a good football decision to have Bush, Young, and your own fanbase all holding a grudge against you.
12:32 p.m.: It took one Mission Impossible 3 commercial and fourteen minutes for Buddy to start talking about movies.
12:35 p.m.: Vince Young is going to The Titans. The best laid plans of Norm Chow.
12:39 p.m.: Did Jaworski just use the (quote, unquote) word "accurasly?" Yes.
12:40 p.m.: It didn't take long for the wheels to come off. I think Boomer just had a stroke. The draft may become overtake Presidential election coverage for "Best Evidence that Anchors Never Work On Their Stamina."
12:41 p.m.: Please let the Jets pick a long-snapper in the first round.
12:47 p.m.: Jets go with D'Brickashaw. If I were Bill Simmons I would be talking about the Lienart face right about now.
12:57 p.m.: Dave (an OSU fan) calls panicking about the though of Hawk going to San Fran, and I get to give him the "good" news that he's going to Green Bay.
1:01 p.m.: Bud makes the mistake of letting Jake look at his iPod for the first time and is shamed again.
1:04 p.m.: I'm fine with Vernon Davis crying as he's drafted.
1:35 p.m.: Lienart is finally picked by Arizona. A sample argument by Boomer for why this is a good thing: "he's played in Arizona."
1:45 p.m.: Suzy Kolbert actually asked Lienart what he has to say to kinds who feel like outcasts. "You must know how that feels, Matt. Only winning one Heisman trophy, and one and a half National Championships. Only rumored to be dating one Hilton sister. Falling in the draft so you are only guaranteed about $13.5 million before ever taking a snap in the pros. Not getting hit on by a drunk Joe Namath."
1:46 p.m.: Denver trades up to get Cutler.
1:49 p.m.: Steve Young talks about the pick, but refuses to acknowledge that Jake Plummer is still on the roster for the Broncos.
1:54 p.m.: Cutler is interviewed and talks about the competition in the SEC, mentioning specifically 'Bama, UF, and UT but without mention of UGA. Cutler may not realize this now, but he may have just turned UGA/Vandy into a rivalry in my mind. The kind of rivalry where the far superior team destroys the crappy team year after year until the crappy team has a good player who mentions the obviously better team when they talk about the competition their school is up against. Of the teams that Vandy played each of Cutler's four years, nobody beat up on Vandy like we did. (Don't think I didn't do the math on this.) Cutler only played against 'Bama his freshman year, and we still beat him by three points a game more than they did, and 'Bama won that game 30-8.
2:08 p.m.: Haloti Ngata needs to tell his friends that they are the reason no one every brings their "posse" on tv with them.
2:30 p.m.: Buddy starts telling the "panties" story. If you've got a free hour and a half, you should definitely ask him about it.
2:45 p.m.: Bud claims he "needs" a pedicure. Not kidding.
2:53 p.m.: The Vikings get their pick off on time. Lost that bet.
3:48 p.m.: Our picks for the Bengals first pick: Nate-Marty Williams (his High School Health teacher), Jake-Leonard Pope, Bud-Marcus Borton (one of our first friends to move to Vegas), and I'm going with Marcedes Lewis.
3:46 p.m.: Cincy is finally on the clock.
4:00 p.m.: Jake goes over Bud's iPod again. He really needs to hide it when other guys are around. Especially when the "'" in 'Nsync puts it at the top of the list alphabetically.
4:07 p.m.: Cincy goes with Jonathan Joseph. Eh.
4:13 p.m.: We all shift seats.
4:18 p.m.: A Rip Van Winkle reference begets a Rumplestiltskin reference begets a Rapunzel reference. I don't know how our draft conversations turn to this.
4:28 p.m.: Mort has an aneurysm.
4:30 p.m.: Chicago trades their first round pick to Buffalo so they can pick NC State's 3rd best DL.
4:43 p.m.: Jake correctly picks Addai going to Indy. Bud guesses Pope because he doesn't know any better.
4:54 p.m.: Jake asks, "What if Houston picks up LenDale White?"
4:56 p.m.: Mort finally mentions LenDale's rumored failed drug test. Remember 10:14 a.m.?
5:00 p.m.: Giants end the First Round by picking Kiwanuka out of B.C. Jets fans rejoice.
5:10 p.m.: Jake and I decide that we are definitely willing to get a much worse apartment if it means we can afford more sports on tv.
5:25 p.m.: The Patriots get Chad Jackson, and everybody wins. Patriots get what can be considered a steal, Jackson goes to a good team, and I'm not rooting for a Gator.
5:35 p.m.: The Falcons pick Jimmy Williams after getting the pick from Green Bay, who got it from Denver who got it from San Francisco. Seems like a lot of work to get a DB with character issues.
5:51 p.m.: Guesses for Chicago's first pick: I'm begging for Pope and Bud's going to guess him every time until he gets picked, Jake thinks they're going to try to sneak Ricky Williams in, and Nate goes with Peter Jackson. The same guy who directed The Lord Of the Rings.
5:56 p.m.: Chicago goes with Danieal (sic) Manning, and Nate asks if he's "the older retarded Manning brother." Tsk, tsk.
6:16 p.m.: Tennessee picks up LenDale with the 45th pick. Their first two picks are going to end up as legends in one way or another.
6:30 p.m.: Note to self: ask LenDale White what the "Got Robbed" means on his t-shirt. And also ask if I can stop capitalizing the "D" in his first name.
6:47 p.m.: Chicago and Cincy had picks two places apart and they could both use a tight end. One of them has to go with Pope, right?
6:49 p.m.: Cincy guesses: Bud again goes with Pope. Nate doesn't want to agree with Bud, so he guesses Rev. George J. Dyer. I also would have gone with Pope, but instead I'll have to go with T. Rowe Price. Jake goes with Andy Milonokis, as long as he's not too old to be in the NFL.
7:01 p.m.: Dallas goes with Fasano, meaning Pope will a best be the fifth TE picked in the draft.
7:17 p.m.: Cincy goes with Whitworth from LSU. I knew there was a reason Billy Graham is the only man I've seen in Paul Brown Stadium.
7:19 p.m.: Chicago picks:Me-Pope til I'm right. Jake-Craig Yeast. Buddy-Chris Rogers. Nate-Ernie Sims (who had been picked hours before, which was the only reason Nate went with him)
7:31 p.m.: Chicago goes with Hester, the return specialist. I don't even care anymore. But if Carolina picks up another player from Georgia, I'm punching Brian Cotton in the temple.
7:35 p.m.: Anthony Wright, Doug Johnson, Craig Krenzel. Marvin Lewis says he's comfortable with their QB's if Palmer can't come back right away. It really sounds more believable if you don't mention them by name.
8:06 p.m.: We arrive at Claddaugh to watch the draft during dinner, only to find out they somehow don't have ESPN2, meaning we have to eat at a place called Bar Louie. Which is just as bad as it sounds.
8:28 p.m.: The waitress finally finds ESPN2 on the tv at Bar Louie, and I soon find out that Tim Jennings was the first UGA player taken in the draft.
8:30 p.m.: Pope is going to Arizona. Anything bad I've ever said about Leinart can be forgotten if he can get Pope the ball. And promise to never be on the cover of GQ again.
8:34, 8:54 p.m.:Chicago picks Davoracek from OU and Atlanta takes Jerious Norwood from MSU. Chicago seems to have forgotten how strong their defense was and how pitiful they were at offense. And Atlanta seems to be trying to show that Denver isn't the only club that can fit anyone in as running back and make it work. I just want to go to bed.
DAY TWO
1:20 p.m.: Finally get back from church and find out that Jean-Gilles was taken by Philly. How is it that every team other than those I love see that talent that the Bulldogs have available? I'm not saying they've got the most this year, but teams really need to spend more time thinking about my desires.
1:31 p.m.: Once again, as Greg Blue is going to Minnesota.
1:36 p.m.: How is DeMario Minter still on the board when Tim Jennings was taken yesterday?
1:38 p.m.: At least Cleveland can read my mind, picking up Minter.
1:52 p.m.: Without being asked, Nate tells me he thinks Cincy is picking Todd Bosley in the 5th Round. The Todd Bosley of Little Giants fame.
2:08 p.m.: The Bears are five rounds in and still haven't picked up an offensive player. Are we really putting the offense on Rex's shoulders? Can his legs handle it?
4:51 p.m.: The Falcons pick up Shockley in the 7th Round and all is forgiven.
And now, the First Annual Logan Mankins Name of the Draft Award goes to:
With apologies to Joe Toledo, Johnny Jolly, and OSU's own Nick Mangold, the most ridiculous name of the draft has to go to Guy Whimper out of East Carolina. Not normally a name you want for your OT.
DAY ONE
9:08 a.m.: I had planned on sleeping of the jet lag from my flight, til my buddy Brent called me from D.C. to ask what I thought about Houston snubbing Bush. After the flight and the sleeping, this is the first I heard this. Draft day begins a little earlier than expected.
10:11 a.m.: Arrive at Nate's room with Jake. Nate was nowhere to be found, so we flip on ESPN and wait for his arrival.
10:14 a.m.: Dave calls from Vegas after hearing a rumor on FOX Sports Radio about LenDale White testing positive for performance enhancing drugs. Remember 10:14 a.m.; it'll come back later.
10:30 a.m.: Nate comes in from a long morning of Saturday Morning cartoons.
11:24 a.m.: Under Armour must have felt that people weren't mocking "We must protect this house!" as much anymore. Enter: "Click. Clack."
11:42 a.m.: ESPN is talking about a possible Saints/Jets trade. The Saints cannot be the second team to pass up on Bush. This must be ESPN's way to get the Jets mad at their front office for a pick that wasn't even theirs.
11:45 a.m.: Dave's second call. He somehow forgot to mention that a friend of his in Vegas got them an invite to Matt Leinart's Draft Party at the MGM Grand. The conversation starts about what jersey would be most offensive for him to sneak into the party. Fast forward a few hours, and we end up deciding that he should go with eight others and each wear a Leinart jersey from the nine teams that didn't pick him.
11:51 a.m.: ESPN Classic is showing this year's National Championship game. The first pick in the draft didn't come from this game. The first pick came from the Meineke Car Care Bowl, in which he finished third on his team in tackles.
11:53 a.m.: Back on ESPN (the original), they have the projected high draft picks all traveling to the draft together in a bus. I hope you were able to see it. If not you missed Bush opening a copy of US Weekly or the like, which had a picture of Lienart shirtless with a towel draped around his neck. Lienart didn't find it nearly as amusing as the other soon-to-be draftees.
12:05 p.m.: Twenty minutes late, Bud calls to see if we're here. That's the only reason he called.
12:06 p.m.: First time today we get to hear the name Michael Michaels. It's only because he's not a player that he doesn't run away with the Logan Mankins Award for '06.
12:12 p.m.: I decide that Houston has to trade down to a team that wants Bush. The Jets shouldn't to try trade with N.O., they should jump at the Texans. Houston can drop to the fourth spot and lose nothing. No way the other teams go for Williams. Even if you're only getting a sixth rounder, you lose nothing.
12:13 p.m.: The Texans decide they can't afford to lose nothing, and draft Williams #1.
12:18 p.m.: Buddy shows up, having no idea that Bush wasn't the #1 pick, or even if he should be surprised by it.
12:26 p.m.: Saints shock no one and make the best player in the draft the #2 pick.
12:30 p.m.: It doesn't seem like a good football decision to have Bush, Young, and your own fanbase all holding a grudge against you.
12:32 p.m.: It took one Mission Impossible 3 commercial and fourteen minutes for Buddy to start talking about movies.
12:35 p.m.: Vince Young is going to The Titans. The best laid plans of Norm Chow.
12:39 p.m.: Did Jaworski just use the (quote, unquote) word "accurasly?" Yes.
12:40 p.m.: It didn't take long for the wheels to come off. I think Boomer just had a stroke. The draft may become overtake Presidential election coverage for "Best Evidence that Anchors Never Work On Their Stamina."
12:41 p.m.: Please let the Jets pick a long-snapper in the first round.
12:47 p.m.: Jets go with D'Brickashaw. If I were Bill Simmons I would be talking about the Lienart face right about now.
12:57 p.m.: Dave (an OSU fan) calls panicking about the though of Hawk going to San Fran, and I get to give him the "good" news that he's going to Green Bay.
1:01 p.m.: Bud makes the mistake of letting Jake look at his iPod for the first time and is shamed again.
1:04 p.m.: I'm fine with Vernon Davis crying as he's drafted.
1:35 p.m.: Lienart is finally picked by Arizona. A sample argument by Boomer for why this is a good thing: "he's played in Arizona."
1:45 p.m.: Suzy Kolbert actually asked Lienart what he has to say to kinds who feel like outcasts. "You must know how that feels, Matt. Only winning one Heisman trophy, and one and a half National Championships. Only rumored to be dating one Hilton sister. Falling in the draft so you are only guaranteed about $13.5 million before ever taking a snap in the pros. Not getting hit on by a drunk Joe Namath."
1:46 p.m.: Denver trades up to get Cutler.
1:49 p.m.: Steve Young talks about the pick, but refuses to acknowledge that Jake Plummer is still on the roster for the Broncos.
1:54 p.m.: Cutler is interviewed and talks about the competition in the SEC, mentioning specifically 'Bama, UF, and UT but without mention of UGA. Cutler may not realize this now, but he may have just turned UGA/Vandy into a rivalry in my mind. The kind of rivalry where the far superior team destroys the crappy team year after year until the crappy team has a good player who mentions the obviously better team when they talk about the competition their school is up against. Of the teams that Vandy played each of Cutler's four years, nobody beat up on Vandy like we did. (Don't think I didn't do the math on this.) Cutler only played against 'Bama his freshman year, and we still beat him by three points a game more than they did, and 'Bama won that game 30-8.
2:08 p.m.: Haloti Ngata needs to tell his friends that they are the reason no one every brings their "posse" on tv with them.
2:30 p.m.: Buddy starts telling the "panties" story. If you've got a free hour and a half, you should definitely ask him about it.
2:45 p.m.: Bud claims he "needs" a pedicure. Not kidding.
2:53 p.m.: The Vikings get their pick off on time. Lost that bet.
3:48 p.m.: Our picks for the Bengals first pick: Nate-Marty Williams (his High School Health teacher), Jake-Leonard Pope, Bud-Marcus Borton (one of our first friends to move to Vegas), and I'm going with Marcedes Lewis.
3:46 p.m.: Cincy is finally on the clock.
4:00 p.m.: Jake goes over Bud's iPod again. He really needs to hide it when other guys are around. Especially when the "'" in 'Nsync puts it at the top of the list alphabetically.
4:07 p.m.: Cincy goes with Jonathan Joseph. Eh.
4:13 p.m.: We all shift seats.
4:18 p.m.: A Rip Van Winkle reference begets a Rumplestiltskin reference begets a Rapunzel reference. I don't know how our draft conversations turn to this.
4:28 p.m.: Mort has an aneurysm.
4:30 p.m.: Chicago trades their first round pick to Buffalo so they can pick NC State's 3rd best DL.
4:43 p.m.: Jake correctly picks Addai going to Indy. Bud guesses Pope because he doesn't know any better.
4:54 p.m.: Jake asks, "What if Houston picks up LenDale White?"
4:56 p.m.: Mort finally mentions LenDale's rumored failed drug test. Remember 10:14 a.m.?
5:00 p.m.: Giants end the First Round by picking Kiwanuka out of B.C. Jets fans rejoice.
5:10 p.m.: Jake and I decide that we are definitely willing to get a much worse apartment if it means we can afford more sports on tv.
5:25 p.m.: The Patriots get Chad Jackson, and everybody wins. Patriots get what can be considered a steal, Jackson goes to a good team, and I'm not rooting for a Gator.
5:35 p.m.: The Falcons pick Jimmy Williams after getting the pick from Green Bay, who got it from Denver who got it from San Francisco. Seems like a lot of work to get a DB with character issues.
5:51 p.m.: Guesses for Chicago's first pick: I'm begging for Pope and Bud's going to guess him every time until he gets picked, Jake thinks they're going to try to sneak Ricky Williams in, and Nate goes with Peter Jackson. The same guy who directed The Lord Of the Rings.
5:56 p.m.: Chicago goes with Danieal (sic) Manning, and Nate asks if he's "the older retarded Manning brother." Tsk, tsk.
6:16 p.m.: Tennessee picks up LenDale with the 45th pick. Their first two picks are going to end up as legends in one way or another.
6:30 p.m.: Note to self: ask LenDale White what the "Got Robbed" means on his t-shirt. And also ask if I can stop capitalizing the "D" in his first name.
6:47 p.m.: Chicago and Cincy had picks two places apart and they could both use a tight end. One of them has to go with Pope, right?
6:49 p.m.: Cincy guesses: Bud again goes with Pope. Nate doesn't want to agree with Bud, so he guesses Rev. George J. Dyer. I also would have gone with Pope, but instead I'll have to go with T. Rowe Price. Jake goes with Andy Milonokis, as long as he's not too old to be in the NFL.
7:01 p.m.: Dallas goes with Fasano, meaning Pope will a best be the fifth TE picked in the draft.
7:17 p.m.: Cincy goes with Whitworth from LSU. I knew there was a reason Billy Graham is the only man I've seen in Paul Brown Stadium.
7:19 p.m.: Chicago picks:Me-Pope til I'm right. Jake-Craig Yeast. Buddy-Chris Rogers. Nate-Ernie Sims (who had been picked hours before, which was the only reason Nate went with him)
7:31 p.m.: Chicago goes with Hester, the return specialist. I don't even care anymore. But if Carolina picks up another player from Georgia, I'm punching Brian Cotton in the temple.
7:35 p.m.: Anthony Wright, Doug Johnson, Craig Krenzel. Marvin Lewis says he's comfortable with their QB's if Palmer can't come back right away. It really sounds more believable if you don't mention them by name.
8:06 p.m.: We arrive at Claddaugh to watch the draft during dinner, only to find out they somehow don't have ESPN2, meaning we have to eat at a place called Bar Louie. Which is just as bad as it sounds.
8:28 p.m.: The waitress finally finds ESPN2 on the tv at Bar Louie, and I soon find out that Tim Jennings was the first UGA player taken in the draft.
8:30 p.m.: Pope is going to Arizona. Anything bad I've ever said about Leinart can be forgotten if he can get Pope the ball. And promise to never be on the cover of GQ again.
8:34, 8:54 p.m.:Chicago picks Davoracek from OU and Atlanta takes Jerious Norwood from MSU. Chicago seems to have forgotten how strong their defense was and how pitiful they were at offense. And Atlanta seems to be trying to show that Denver isn't the only club that can fit anyone in as running back and make it work. I just want to go to bed.
DAY TWO
1:20 p.m.: Finally get back from church and find out that Jean-Gilles was taken by Philly. How is it that every team other than those I love see that talent that the Bulldogs have available? I'm not saying they've got the most this year, but teams really need to spend more time thinking about my desires.
1:31 p.m.: Once again, as Greg Blue is going to Minnesota.
1:36 p.m.: How is DeMario Minter still on the board when Tim Jennings was taken yesterday?
1:38 p.m.: At least Cleveland can read my mind, picking up Minter.
1:52 p.m.: Without being asked, Nate tells me he thinks Cincy is picking Todd Bosley in the 5th Round. The Todd Bosley of Little Giants fame.
2:08 p.m.: The Bears are five rounds in and still haven't picked up an offensive player. Are we really putting the offense on Rex's shoulders? Can his legs handle it?
4:51 p.m.: The Falcons pick up Shockley in the 7th Round and all is forgiven.
And now, the First Annual Logan Mankins Name of the Draft Award goes to:
With apologies to Joe Toledo, Johnny Jolly, and OSU's own Nick Mangold, the most ridiculous name of the draft has to go to Guy Whimper out of East Carolina. Not normally a name you want for your OT.
posted by S-Dot at 7:41 PM
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