The Takeover

(this should be read after taking a look at Dave's comment on my last post)

With apologies to my mom and dad, here goes:

First, something we both agree on: "comperable" is not the right word to use.

But if we are going to compare these two schools, let's at least do it right. Your boys play in the Big Ten, a.k.a. the "4th and 1, three clouds of dust, and hopefully a good punter" conference. We're in the SEC, a.k.a. the "knows eleven teams when it sees it, and allows UGA to beat up on them" conference. We aren't playing the same teams each year. You have two teams (Indiana and Northwestern) in your conference that are about than 150 games under .500. We have a team (South Carolina) that's a few good seasons away from reaching the .500 mark. You get to beat up on these teams every season. While we're busy taking on Tennessee, you get to take on the 2nd or 3rd best college football team in Indiana. It's too bad we've never played a Big Ten team and you've never faced one of us. And it's almost tragic that our two teams have never met.

(wait for it...)

Oh, we have.

And we are flat out killing the Big 1(11)0: 7-2, and we haven't lost one since '57. That comes out to a conference winning percentage of .778. This is far ahead of your record of .685, as well as the .732 of Michigan, who is clearly the dominant team currently in the conference.

On the other hand, OSU is consistently sent home crying by the SEC. You are 3-8-1 all time against the only conference that matters, and you've gone winless for eighteen years. This record of .292 would drop you right between UK (.315) and Vandy(.256). These two teams happen to be two of the only three SEC teams you have ever defeated.

Going by the all-time percentages, if we were in the Big 10 or 11 or whatever, our record would jump from 692-372 to 784-280. While being part of the SEC would cause your record to plummet from 775-300 to a paltry 532-543. Yuck. Maybe we should join you guys, and the Big "10" can finally get the 12th team it's been begging for. Or maybe it's not worth playing football in obscurity no matter how many more games we could win.

But the only time you're guaranteed to be facing a decent team is a bowl game. In these games, your record is a sub-par 17-19, or .472. We, on the other hand, are sitting pretty at 21-16-3, or .563. But, I guess that's what happens when you're forced to leave the football mecca that is the Midwest.

We could also look at the teams we choose to consider our rivals. These are the games where heart and emotion come into play. These are the games where you leave it all on the field. And your "all" leaves a lot to be desired. Your .412 winning percentage against Michigan is a record only Tech could love. Our record against our big rivals: Auburn, Tech, Tennessee, and Florida is a combined .538. And you're lucky I'm counting Tennessee but not Clemson. (You remember Clemson, right? If not, just ask your beloved Woody.)

Maybe we should just look back at January 1st, 1993. Until the next time we face the Mountaineers and beat them by 70, Ohio East has the trump card on us that they've beaten us the only time we've played. Well, you've had a teenager to think about what we did to you in the Citrus Bowl, and all you can come up with is this: four measly wins from your coach (who left in disgrace) more than our coach (who retired after beating yet another Big "However Many" team to pursue being full time A.D. because he accomplished all he wanted to accomplish), one National Championship with an asterisk beside it, and some wins that come from you playing inferior teams more often?

What I'm getting at is this: Don't come to me with that and mess with tUGA when you've never beat us, and when I have a picture of you wearing a Bulldogs t-shirt while a grown man is giving you a backrub.

"I've got the pictures, I've seen you"

* No one outside of Ohio thinks it was pass interference.